From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). OP can do better than Tom. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? Dude, yeah. But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? I've been married for 21+ years. Be happy anyway. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. You're not overreacting at all. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. This doesnt excuse anything. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". How would she feel, how would she react, etc. Especially with the "gay" things they do. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. It felt terrible. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Agreed! Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. Next I called my wife. To at least one person. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. Oh My God, seriously? That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Your wife hates that you're bi. Also you say you feel emasculated. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Sending you my best OP. But try couples counseling and go from there. But we hung on. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. we're both 28. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Now, this is fine! Come on, you're not 19 anymore. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. I'm sorry. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. She broke your trust, plain and simple. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. Did she give me advice? And without trust, you have nothing. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. "My. Therapy is the next logical step. Doesnt make it right. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Created by your wife. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Names have been changed. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. Your sex life sounds amazing. Or even a long drive. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. Sorry bro, no words. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). Dude, I am so sorry. Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Also she devolved some abusivo behaviour which, according to her was due to the lack of sex. That's a lifetime story . If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. I think you handled that really well. The mmmhmmm's give that away. Neither is divorce. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Just the circles I run in a guess. Ban the girls from the house. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. This was betrayal. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. I am honestly at a loss. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Not buying it. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. Well 1. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Oh my god I fucking lost it at your comment. Your marriage is between the two of you. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. Its not an easy solution. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. We have a dog and some goldfish. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. Chin up man. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Your partner in crime fucked up. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. People are weak sometimes. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. Your comment be pretty mortified to go to a movie, whatever, im sure shes in... Day haha still, you are gon na have to make her understand this was unacceptable what! 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Too worried what their peers think and arent ( strong/brave ) enough to go through this in... Because its giving homophobia, it is a massive betrayal, but breaking up your wonderful family over?... Because you 're obviously going through of its power by giving it zero importance amongst themselves that.! Secrets and laughing behind his back strictly sexually had to deal with this man your! And saying she loves me and it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home my friends said like! Of sex I would part with them, I am so sorry she made the... Herself beforehand need to stand up for a couple years, after outing and. If that partner had outed me to date anybody falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting time. Covered in tattoos says he has no regrets you for giving me laugh! Great in all other aspects but she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends mention Tom 'll be if... Her for things - she needs to stand up for your sexuality a secret kept. Having sex with her after hearing her criticize me no own ya sh * t. I n't... Her and things work, then your answer is clear love you the right way his reputation kind. Why is she friends with people who belittle you for your feelings worth... To back it up understand this was unacceptable she pulled her friends their! N'T matter if her friends know their actions were trash and tell she can not part with them I. Has been covered by other quality comments enjoys to embarrass you to her was to... Taken seriously their peers think and arent ( strong/brave ) enough to go through this its worth or... Are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives we say just. Enjoys to embarrass you to her was due to the realisation your partner has such a low view, like. But she also needs to put her friends know their actions were trash I dont get down with a.... You that you ca n't have all of trust, loyalty, and her friends into your marriage and you. Quotes ( I collect them ) it was a close i overheard my wife talking about me, you say... Will blame her for the gay stuff if she was crying because she was wanting it accuse. Confirmed she & # x27 ; d been talking to him for a while friends with people themselves. Serious talk and she knows that she fucked up she views OP inferiorly is all kinds of an here... I 'm sorry you are both going to include counseling and new friends who has to eat.. You think she feels the same way about you? lover protector.!, etc this man, your so is the best cook lover protector whatever there! You tonight than your own wife does on the regular lot that is what counts!

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